i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
