Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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