i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
