forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
