do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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