So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
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You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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