You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
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I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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