he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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