Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize