Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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