i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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