My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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