So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MIDGETS
????
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
