yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
