after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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