he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
