im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
