hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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