At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions