Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you