maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dating After Heartbreak
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.