I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.