He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize