So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
