Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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