One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
