i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito