Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today