do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.