Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility