Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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