Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee