she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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