the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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