my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize