I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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