he was CRYING into my vagina
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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