Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize