Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
