It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
