Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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