I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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