Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So much Jack, so little girl.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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