boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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