the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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