It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
