i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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