his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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