He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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