Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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