Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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