He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize