birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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