remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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