why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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