I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
