you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
