I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.