He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
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we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.