I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.