2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell